No more lights

There was this odd sound yesterday.  It was a really loud pop, like those things people have on the fourth of July kind of pop.  Then all of a sudden all the lights went out.  I went down the road and there was a really large tree that fell onto some wires.  I always wondered what those wires in the sky were for, now I know!

Well apparently it needs to be up, those big sticks with the wires on them.  These guys came, cleaned up the mess, and put the wires back.  All night long it was really dark.  It was great!  none of the other cats could see me at all.  I think they should make it dark like that more often.  Why do the people want all the lights on so much of the time?  I saw them once bump into things when the lights were off, they are funny to watch.  

Those kids!

They think I'm an odd cat, but it's really them, they're weirdos!  And now I have proof.   I found, believe it or not, that my paws work on the ipad.  on the ipad I found this video evidence of how wacky those kids are!  Check it or man:

more Evidence:

What kind of person does this kind of thing to a cat?  It's insane.  Really is this what Steve Jobs invented that pad thing for?  I need to go get some catnip and calm down!

Insane!!

Cat on the hot asphalt Roof

If only it could have been a tin roof I would have been able to use a much catchier title.  Why does that feel so catchy to me anymeow?  I'm just not sure.  I feel like I've seen that in my web browsing before.  Sometimes you have a bad night and other times you have a really bad night.

I still do not understand how he entrance to the house works.  Sometimes I meow and it opens, sometimes I have to jump and hang on the window to get it to open.  When it is warm out there is a box that sticks out of the window and I have to sit on top of it to get the door to open.  When I'm inside the other side of the box blows cold air in.  Its always more comfortable inside especially since it doesn't rain in there.  Where was I ??  OK the entrance, then there are the times I scratch the entrance and it opens, and there are the bad nights when it just never opens. On those nights I sleep in the place where the cars go or I find some cats to fight with.

Well one night I found this quiet place that I like but then the entrance to another place opened and a big dog came out.  I ran up a tree because dogs can't go up that way.  I just followed the tree and I found out it goes to the top of a house and it was really quiet up there and there were no dogs so I kept going up and up.  Then I went down and down.  ( I heard someone once say what goes up must come down.)  Well I went down and I landed on a flat spot but I could not get back up the way I came down, and it was along way down.  I tried to sleep up there, but it is not very fluffy, and it gets worse when the sun comes up it gets really hot up there.  I meowed and meowed but I think everyone else was sleeping except the other cats.  They must have thought it was funny.  I saw them looking up at me.

Finally someone came out and saw me but they could not reach me.  They are not big enough to reach up there, and I kept meowing.  I heard some noise behind me and saw someone but then they left, they said it was too steep, I guess that was my problem too.  Then this metal thing came up and someone climbed up and grabbed me!  That was a relief until I saw over the edge (Its really far down!) I grabbed on tightly but that person really didn't like that.  I got down and ran away form that place, I don't like being up there.  Man stay away from trees!

Up there, on top of the porch, that's me.

The turds

Lately  I find poop wherever I go, like on top of the air conditioner where I like to sit.  (It's as if it has followed me up there.)  I even found some on top of the car I like to sit on.  The car is in the garage so I can sit there as long as I want and I don't get wet when the water falls from the sky.

I've seen it in beds where I sleep and even near my food.  This poo is getting far to aggressive.  I'm afraid if I spend to much time blogging there will be a poo on the keyboard.  Won't that be a surprise to the next guy who wants to use this laptop!

I'm wondering if other cats are seeing this trend, could it be that poo just likes cats (I can't blame it.) and is therefore following us all around?  Or could it be part of a bigger plan to spy on us with poo drones?  I've heard of this new thing called the CIA or something like that, and they are all drones, or they all have drones.  I'm not sure which.  I still need to work on my English language skills.  I have serarched the web and still I can't find a good Meowglish to English translator online.  Any help would be appreciated.

Bloody Head

When I started blogging, who knew, a cat would have a blog!  So, I ask myself: now what?  There are so may things I could do besides sit around and wait for people to feed me or a mouse to walk by.  (I also sleep alot.)  Well, if I get a chance and I become a pirate my name will be bloody head.  That will be Captain bloody head to you land lubbers.

It's a name that will instill fear into all other pirate-cats.  Probably not as much fear as falling overboard or getting some sea mist on them, but still fear.  I fear no cat but they still try to attack me and I end up with these wounds.  These red badges of courage if you will.   I would go with bloody beard since beards seem popular among pirates but I can't really have a beard.  I could shave the rest of my head and then maybe I would appear to have a beard... now I may be on to something here.  

Now if only those other cats will just keep out of my territory I won't have to get into so many fights.  It makes me mad that they eat into my nap time.

feline warfare (what is this gorilla crap?)

It's so awesome to be able to go outside again I just keep doing it.  I may interrupt my blogging to go outside so don't wait up for me.  It's like catching fish in a barrel.  Some pens are mighty.  What is it these people are talking about?  I can use some English as you can see, but half of the time I don't know what these people are actually trying to say.  I'm not sure they deserve to talk.

The trick with being able to go outside again is that the other cats are also outside and now they need to be informed whose territory this all is here.  I like to sneak up on them in the tall grass but here in the suburbs you can't always find grass, and sometimes they cut it so it's too short anyway.  Mostly I try and catch the other cats while they are pooping.

Pooping is great, but not if you are being hunted.  No one ever poops and then stops to look for an attacker. This is what I like to call feline warfare.  I've heard of gorilla warefare, but really?  This seems weird, look what I found on google:

This can't be right!  feline warfare I say!  It's like I hear people say, roll mossy stones and don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.  I still don't know what they talk about.  Just remember attack while the enemy is pooping.  

Weird hat syndrome

I was just laying around on the porch  in the early morning and then the dude came in.  He closed the door behind him and put me in a box with a handle on top!  It did have a soft towel and some catnip in it, but I didn't like it at all.  He carried me inside this box to another box with round legs on it and after some time we got out but we were in a different place.  We have done this before, I have been to this place before, but this time was different.

 
I was there a long time.  They gave me food and I got some naps, but there was a lot of talk about "the surgeon".  I just do not think I can put all this in words, have a look for yourself:

Can you believe it?  They did something to make me really sleepy, and then when I woke up I had this weird hat on!  Because I cannot reach my food with this on I thought they were trying to kill me,  but then the guy who put me in the box gave me an even weirder hat:

It took me some time but I managed to kill this one with my feet, and then they put the other hat back on!  Now it is finally off, but all that time they were giving me this liquid to drink that they said was for Pain.  Still all this time and they don't know my name is HITCH!   And that stuff was weird, I felt good when I took that drink but then I could see these odd floating mice and I fell asleep.  Now they are done giving me that sutff and I feel much better.  I feel like I weigh less by my back feet or something and I don't get knocked over when I jump.  I had this odd weight pulling me around form the back and its gone now.  I'm guessing that is what the weird hat did.  I'm just glad I can go out now and it is warm out there.  

The great Escape

They didn't think I could do it, but I got out.  I like to hang out in the cellar because with the dirt floor it is like one giant toilet to dig in.  I found a box that sometimes has drills and wrenches in it and I jumped up on it.  It doesn't dig so I didnt poop on it.  From on top of it though, I can jump up to the window in the cellar, the really old window with the loose window panes.

Eventually I knocked one out and I fit right through!  Now I just ask someone to let me down in the cellar whenever I want to go outside.  I just meow and bang on the window when I want to come back in and they let me in.  I don't think they even realize I was outside.  Outside I pee on everything because I want all the other cats to smell my pee.

Now I'm concerned though because I think it's time for my visit to the "vet" as they keep saying.  It looks like a doctor to me but they always say "vet".  Hmm These guys seem nice but they are always sticking me with a needle or some kind of strange instrument.  It's very exhausting.

Chopping it off

The other day I got to go outside again.  There is this long string that follows me around now when I am outsde and I have to wear this thing that wraps around me.  I heard someone say it was a harness.  I had a horrible experience with the harness.  The other day, after putting it on the guy carried me into the bathroom and gave me some catnip.  That part was good.  Then after that he lifted me with this thing on and put me in a big vat of water and my feet were all wet!  I kept trying to climb out but the wall was slippery.  Then he dumped water all over me and rubbed me with this gooey stuff.  That stuff smells nice, and I was really clean afterwards, but  all that water was a nightmare!  It was a nightmare!  I had to lick myself for hours after that.

Anymeow, I'm talking about this dr visit.  I overheard them say the Dr was going to "chop it off" and I'm pretty sure they already did some kid of surgery down below.  I woke up from this deep sleep one time and there was definitely something missing, so now I am really worried.  What are they going to cut off next?

At least I have some new food they give me.  I'm really worried about this chopping.  What is happening, I'm a cat, I need these parts.  Oh wait a minute.... I think I smell some catnip.

I found a box

I love boxes.

Habit Forming

I have been away from my writing for some time now.  I apologize to everyone, I know my writing is very captivating  and habit forming.  I am very familiar with the feeling, espically as of late.  These people they have trapped me here and now they taunt me with birds and mice that are not real!  They think I am fooled by these shiny toys, but I am not.  I just like to play.  Lately though they have given me some really good catnip.  I think this is the good stuff like medical grade cat nip.  You just can't quit this stuff.

This stuff is amazing!  I hope the other cats don't find out about my supply, once news gets out they will all be here meowing at the door.  It's ok though; I can't let them in anyway.  Paws are not good for turning door knobs.  They're going to have to get some more snacks here.  I've got a big appetite ever since they got me this stuff.  It's so cool, I can even see through the walls sometimes now and I take more naps!

The house is still surrounded by that fluffy white stuff though, how disturbing.

The Invisible Intruder

  I jumped to the window bed and I looked all over the yard; I ran down and looked out the downstairs window, I ran to the back door and said a Meewoow, and finally I ran to the front door and someone let me on the porch.  Still I can't see the cat!

  I know there is a cat.  I keep looking at that white fuzzy stuff and I see the feet prints.  This intruder is on my turf, what if this cat comes in and pees near my food?  It must have tracked me by the smell of my turds.  I keep trying to bury them, but the ground inside here is hard and I can't dig into it to cover up my mess.  Sometimes I come back and they are just gone though so my digging must be working so of course I keep it up.  I'm scared of this crazy cat.  I keep running around and looking and it isn't even there, just foot prints.  I'm beginning to think it is invisible.  Can invisible cats walk through walls?  I dont' know what to do, but if this is my last blot post you know what happened?

No!  I did not pee on the laptop; I mean the invisible cat got to me.  This is exhausting.  I am going to sleep.

fuzzy white stuff

 There is always this cold air now on the porch and  it is not nice.   Once I saw a bottle smash out there from the ice!  The good thing is there is none of that fuzzy white stuff on the porch.  I walked in that the other day and it was deep and cold.  There is this one person here and she is really nice.  Like when I come in from the porch this guy likes to pick me up, and that is warm to get picked up after you come in form that frozen wind tunnel, but this other person lets me sleep on her lap.

 This other person though, I think she does not like the cold parts either.  The house is much warmer than the porch (I think it is some kind of magic) but she sits in this warm place and still she has blankets.  That is awesome because she lets me sit on the blankets.  The other people just let me sit on my chair or a big thing they sometimes put their feet on.

 This other person, she is nice to let me lay down on the blankets because they are warm.  Sometimes she even lets me go outside.  It is some other kind of magic she has that lets me go outside, but when I run too far I get stopped and when I hide in a bush she can pull me out.  It is nice to get outside, but that fuzzy white stuff really makes walking outside cold.  When my feet sink into it there is this hard clear stuff at the bottom that is really cold and slippery.  I did not see any mice either; I think they also do not like the white stuff that is all over the ground.  I have seen the smaller people they are like the kittens of people, and they squeeze the white stuff and then throw it.  I got hit once; it was not fun.

Cover Yourself

 I know there are other animals out there just trying to track me down.  I can't be alone in this though, so you should make sure you watch your back also.  They can call track you down by the odor of your urine.  That, I think, is how they follow me.  The only thing keeping me alive is my keen ablilty to cover my pee to hide the smell.  It's so much easier when you are outdoors because there is so much avaliable like, dirt, rocks, sticks, dead plants and weeds.  These all make good covers for your pee.  Here inside where they have me trapped I have to be more resourceful.

 For example, when you drop a poop you can try really hard to dig and cover it up even if it is on a ceramic tile (who knows you might get lucky one day).  Otherwise you can just keep moving on and pretend it's not yours.  Just the other day I peed on the floor and decided to grab a magnet off a door and drag it over top of my pee.  The people here figure it out, but I don't think they are predators.  They even give me food, which is nice.  Another trick I love is to go right to the litter box (toilet) and dig there.  I think it works really well even though the poop or pee is actually nowhere near the box.

 These people here are really helping me survive in this regard. Today one of them picked me up when I came in from the porch; I peed on his shirt.  He went right in the other room, took it off, and put on a different shirt just to keep my location conceled from all the other preadators out there that might want to get me.  Although I really have never seen any other animals in the house here, you can never be too safe.  So, remember to be resourceful and find things to cover your tracks with.  I have even found the hair of a barbie doll works well at covering pee.  Trust me.  Hah, I'm a cat and I rhymed!  Meow Meow, beef comes from a cow! Ha!  I hate to stop here when I'm just on a roll but nature is calling!

Escape from alcatraz

I know there is a way out.  I see the people go in and out.  I even see cats out there.  They let me out the front door all the time which is exciting but then I am on the porch!  Sometimes it is really, really cold out there on the porch, but I am sure outside will be warmer.  I will figure all this out and you will all see.  I'm still not sure what alcatraz is but I saw something called escape from alcatraz on Netflix.

I'm not sure what Neftlix is either.

I just want to go outside again, from there I can begin to get back to my original plan.  I will have to tell you more about that later.  I heard them say I could go outside again after I have my tail removed.  I don't know what they mean but I hope it happens soon.  I'm sure that is not too important, especially since I will find a way to escape from alcatraz before then.  I can see the outside from the porch so there must be a way to get there but every time I go towards the outside I bump into this thing (they call it a screen).  So I give up and I go back inside.

Next I stare at the other door and they let me down to the cellar.  I don't know if they realize the cellar has a dirt floor, so I am digging.  I  see a pipe there that makes a noise whenever people poop.  I think that must get to the outside.  It saw something like that also on Netflix.  It's called The Shawshank redemption.  so I dig in the cellar and then I give up so I go back inside and sleep.

Don't tell them I figured out how to watch Netflix, whatever that means.

Cold as a Vortex!?

Man it is really cold out there, on the porch I mean.  I heard some people say something about a vortex.  I don't know what a vortex is or what temperature a vortex is normally, but the porch is real cold!  I think it has turned my turds into rocks.  I really need to find a way to make a sling shot.  Watch out people I'm armed now!

I think I almost left some skid marks on the floor running in from the porch the other night (no pun intended). This must be the coldest winter on record.  Of course my record  is only three winters long.  I am confused about where all this soft white stuff comes from.  How is a cat suppose to walk around on top of it?  I remember one Winter when I kept falling through it and finding myself deep under this fluffy white mess.  There's one thing I don't have to worry about on the porch.

This could be the end of the world, what if it is another ice age!  I want to thank you all for reading my great observances of life but I'm afraid we may be cut short if it doesn't start warming up soon!

Ok  now I'm going to scratch somthing or sleep.  Maybe I should eat first.  I have toys.

My Favorite Toilet

Lately I am staring at the door to the porch and it won't open.  Even if I stare at it for a long time and then meow.  Once it did and when I went out it was really cold so I didn't stay long.  The thing is that the porch is my favorite toilet.

Where am I supposed to poop now!

There is this thing in one room that is like a picture but the picture changes.  Once it looked like some cats but when I ran over to it, I could see that it was a picture because the cats were all flat.  There is some guy on that thing and he helps cats.  He is called Jackson Galaxy.  Maybe he knows about all this crazy nonsense that I have to put up with.  He may be the only person that knows about cats I think.

I was sleeping one day and I had a dream about poop (this is really getting crazy).  When I woke up there was a poop next to me!  I just rolled over and went back to sleep, but when I woke up it was not there.  I think I am losing my mind, but I don't remember.  So I want to go to the porch and dig in the poop box but I don't know where the poop went.  I'm going crazy here.