Stand up for your cat rights

I saw this article on the thing I type on with the keys here, it was about mercury in vaccines.  I think it's all a big distraction.  Did I tell you I killed a mouse?  Holy moly that was awesome.  Anyhow, I think it's a distraction, right?  They want me to worry about mercury?  What the hell is mercury anyway?  See.. now I'm off on this tangent like they wanted!

The real story is how they are trying to take over the cat world with the secret undisclosed ingredients in the vaccine while they send you out to worry about some weird thing called mercury.  I want in that little box today and they took me to the office with the soft table and they injected me.  Now what is happening?  I just cannot say. Just think about it.  you will see, before long they will think they are in contorol.  It's all about them taking over the cat world so they can dominate the earth.

But back to the real story, so I took the mouse after it stopped fighting me and I left it in front of the door, but now it is gone.  What?  Did they take it in for eating?  I saw them eating breakfast.  Oh man I hope they liked it because I really wanted to finish that one.  I'm going out to get another one while I still have the rights to be a cat.   Remember cats, stand up for your rights don't let them tell you about this mercury nonsense.

The red phantom red dot

It is doing the thing again.  I know this happened once before.  It is when the air is cold, and the water becomes hard and slippery that this always seems to start.  They bring a tree inside and light it up, and then one morning the throw colorful paper all around the room making a big mess (but it is fun to play with).  Then they all have new things.  I got some new treats but I am a little mad about it.  I mean they are just a new bag of the same treats I had before.  How about if someone gets me a live chicken to eat?  Something like that would be more exciting.

Then just at the same time as all this hoopla starts I begin seeing a red dot that moves around the floor quickly.  I notice I hear a slight clicking noise just before I see the red dot.  Then I found the people seem to be directing the dot with a pen.  What a silly game!  Still, as much as I think I know about this, I cannot stop looking at the red dot.  I am beginning to think that this red dot is coming for me and I must stop it before it starts eating my food.  I swear I have stomped my paw right on it at least a few times and as soon as I do it just disappears!  I could have killed it by now if it had been a mouse, but then after I stomp on it I hear a click and the red dot comes back.  I even saw it outside once.

Let me know if this sounds too crazy.  I can't believe that it exists, a dot that I can't kill and moves faster than me.  What kind of magic is this?  I can't wait until it is warm outside again.  I will see if I can prove what this is; I'm telling you it is real.  I will see if I can find a way of getting a picture of it.

No more lights

There was this odd sound yesterday.  It was a really loud pop, like those things people have on the fourth of July kind of pop.  Then all of a sudden all the lights went out.  I went down the road and there was a really large tree that fell onto some wires.  I always wondered what those wires in the sky were for, now I know!

Well apparently it needs to be up, those big sticks with the wires on them.  These guys came, cleaned up the mess, and put the wires back.  All night long it was really dark.  It was great!  none of the other cats could see me at all.  I think they should make it dark like that more often.  Why do the people want all the lights on so much of the time?  I saw them once bump into things when the lights were off, they are funny to watch.  

The turds

Lately  I find poop wherever I go, like on top of the air conditioner where I like to sit.  (It's as if it has followed me up there.)  I even found some on top of the car I like to sit on.  The car is in the garage so I can sit there as long as I want and I don't get wet when the water falls from the sky.

I've seen it in beds where I sleep and even near my food.  This poo is getting far to aggressive.  I'm afraid if I spend to much time blogging there will be a poo on the keyboard.  Won't that be a surprise to the next guy who wants to use this laptop!

I'm wondering if other cats are seeing this trend, could it be that poo just likes cats (I can't blame it.) and is therefore following us all around?  Or could it be part of a bigger plan to spy on us with poo drones?  I've heard of this new thing called the CIA or something like that, and they are all drones, or they all have drones.  I'm not sure which.  I still need to work on my English language skills.  I have serarched the web and still I can't find a good Meowglish to English translator online.  Any help would be appreciated.

Bloody Head

When I started blogging, who knew, a cat would have a blog!  So, I ask myself: now what?  There are so may things I could do besides sit around and wait for people to feed me or a mouse to walk by.  (I also sleep alot.)  Well, if I get a chance and I become a pirate my name will be bloody head.  That will be Captain bloody head to you land lubbers.

It's a name that will instill fear into all other pirate-cats.  Probably not as much fear as falling overboard or getting some sea mist on them, but still fear.  I fear no cat but they still try to attack me and I end up with these wounds.  These red badges of courage if you will.   I would go with bloody beard since beards seem popular among pirates but I can't really have a beard.  I could shave the rest of my head and then maybe I would appear to have a beard... now I may be on to something here.  

Now if only those other cats will just keep out of my territory I won't have to get into so many fights.  It makes me mad that they eat into my nap time.

feline warfare (what is this gorilla crap?)

It's so awesome to be able to go outside again I just keep doing it.  I may interrupt my blogging to go outside so don't wait up for me.  It's like catching fish in a barrel.  Some pens are mighty.  What is it these people are talking about?  I can use some English as you can see, but half of the time I don't know what these people are actually trying to say.  I'm not sure they deserve to talk.

The trick with being able to go outside again is that the other cats are also outside and now they need to be informed whose territory this all is here.  I like to sneak up on them in the tall grass but here in the suburbs you can't always find grass, and sometimes they cut it so it's too short anyway.  Mostly I try and catch the other cats while they are pooping.

Pooping is great, but not if you are being hunted.  No one ever poops and then stops to look for an attacker. This is what I like to call feline warfare.  I've heard of gorilla warefare, but really?  This seems weird, look what I found on google:

This can't be right!  feline warfare I say!  It's like I hear people say, roll mossy stones and don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.  I still don't know what they talk about.  Just remember attack while the enemy is pooping.