Cold as a Vortex!?

Man it is really cold out there, on the porch I mean.  I heard some people say something about a vortex.  I don't know what a vortex is or what temperature a vortex is normally, but the porch is real cold!  I think it has turned my turds into rocks.  I really need to find a way to make a sling shot.  Watch out people I'm armed now!

I think I almost left some skid marks on the floor running in from the porch the other night (no pun intended). This must be the coldest winter on record.  Of course my record  is only three winters long.  I am confused about where all this soft white stuff comes from.  How is a cat suppose to walk around on top of it?  I remember one Winter when I kept falling through it and finding myself deep under this fluffy white mess.  There's one thing I don't have to worry about on the porch.

This could be the end of the world, what if it is another ice age!  I want to thank you all for reading my great observances of life but I'm afraid we may be cut short if it doesn't start warming up soon!

Ok  now I'm going to scratch somthing or sleep.  Maybe I should eat first.  I have toys.

Surprise!

Well, Merry Christmas!  The other night I jumped up to sleep in my new bed and it flipped over!

There's a guy here who is kind of helpful.  He had some loud thing he used to fix it so now it won't flip me over.  That is why I let him stay here in this house.  He does some helpful things sometimes, but on the other hand he does make me take my medicine.  Sometimes I can trick him and spit it out but then he just makes me take it again.

Here it is though, this is what I was talking about with sleeping:

I don't know why people don't sleep like this, it is the best way, especially if you can flip on your back like this.  You definitely have to have your head inverted to get a good sleep, otherwise it's just a cat nap.  There is nothing like some cat nip and a good cat nap but this is the way to sleep.  Its hard to get a good sleep around here because some of the beds are alive.  

If you lay on the beds and sleep long enough the bed starts moving.  When that happens I need to grab it and bite it so I can survive but once I did that and I got knocked right off the bed!  So far this has not happened with my new bed yet.  I think it is some kind of special bed for cats.  I'm going to go try putting my head upside down on it. 

Merry Christmas

There is this weird thing people do I think it happened once before.  They bring a tree inside the house.  (I'm not kidding.)  Then they put lights on the tree and they hang things all over it and one day there are all kids of boxes under the tree.  

This time I got some thing too and it's great for sleeping, check it out:

Which brings up a whole different thing for me.  What is it with people who have these little beds that they put their heads on when they sleep.  I don't need an extra bed for my head.  I just love to sleep and sleeping is great.  It's a great time to pee.  There is sleep and then there is really great sleep.  That is when you lay down and you invert your head.  People never do that either!  I don't know what is wrong with them.  If you want a tree, go outside and if you want to sleep just flip your head upside-down and go to sleep.  

I don't have all these crazy sleeping devices that people use.  They even found boxes under their inside tree that have blankets in them and the blankets connect to the wall.  It is really weird if you ask me, but if you see one of these you need to try it (they are really warm).  Just don't pee on a blanket that connects to the wall, trust me.  

I'm going back to sleep.