The red phantom red dot

It is doing the thing again.  I know this happened once before.  It is when the air is cold, and the water becomes hard and slippery that this always seems to start.  They bring a tree inside and light it up, and then one morning the throw colorful paper all around the room making a big mess (but it is fun to play with).  Then they all have new things.  I got some new treats but I am a little mad about it.  I mean they are just a new bag of the same treats I had before.  How about if someone gets me a live chicken to eat?  Something like that would be more exciting.

Then just at the same time as all this hoopla starts I begin seeing a red dot that moves around the floor quickly.  I notice I hear a slight clicking noise just before I see the red dot.  Then I found the people seem to be directing the dot with a pen.  What a silly game!  Still, as much as I think I know about this, I cannot stop looking at the red dot.  I am beginning to think that this red dot is coming for me and I must stop it before it starts eating my food.  I swear I have stomped my paw right on it at least a few times and as soon as I do it just disappears!  I could have killed it by now if it had been a mouse, but then after I stomp on it I hear a click and the red dot comes back.  I even saw it outside once.

Let me know if this sounds too crazy.  I can't believe that it exists, a dot that I can't kill and moves faster than me.  What kind of magic is this?  I can't wait until it is warm outside again.  I will see if I can prove what this is; I'm telling you it is real.  I will see if I can find a way of getting a picture of it.

Bloody Head

When I started blogging, who knew, a cat would have a blog!  So, I ask myself: now what?  There are so may things I could do besides sit around and wait for people to feed me or a mouse to walk by.  (I also sleep alot.)  Well, if I get a chance and I become a pirate my name will be bloody head.  That will be Captain bloody head to you land lubbers.

It's a name that will instill fear into all other pirate-cats.  Probably not as much fear as falling overboard or getting some sea mist on them, but still fear.  I fear no cat but they still try to attack me and I end up with these wounds.  These red badges of courage if you will.   I would go with bloody beard since beards seem popular among pirates but I can't really have a beard.  I could shave the rest of my head and then maybe I would appear to have a beard... now I may be on to something here.  

Now if only those other cats will just keep out of my territory I won't have to get into so many fights.  It makes me mad that they eat into my nap time.

feline warfare (what is this gorilla crap?)

It's so awesome to be able to go outside again I just keep doing it.  I may interrupt my blogging to go outside so don't wait up for me.  It's like catching fish in a barrel.  Some pens are mighty.  What is it these people are talking about?  I can use some English as you can see, but half of the time I don't know what these people are actually trying to say.  I'm not sure they deserve to talk.

The trick with being able to go outside again is that the other cats are also outside and now they need to be informed whose territory this all is here.  I like to sneak up on them in the tall grass but here in the suburbs you can't always find grass, and sometimes they cut it so it's too short anyway.  Mostly I try and catch the other cats while they are pooping.

Pooping is great, but not if you are being hunted.  No one ever poops and then stops to look for an attacker. This is what I like to call feline warfare.  I've heard of gorilla warefare, but really?  This seems weird, look what I found on google:

This can't be right!  feline warfare I say!  It's like I hear people say, roll mossy stones and don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.  I still don't know what they talk about.  Just remember attack while the enemy is pooping.  

The great Escape

They didn't think I could do it, but I got out.  I like to hang out in the cellar because with the dirt floor it is like one giant toilet to dig in.  I found a box that sometimes has drills and wrenches in it and I jumped up on it.  It doesn't dig so I didnt poop on it.  From on top of it though, I can jump up to the window in the cellar, the really old window with the loose window panes.

Eventually I knocked one out and I fit right through!  Now I just ask someone to let me down in the cellar whenever I want to go outside.  I just meow and bang on the window when I want to come back in and they let me in.  I don't think they even realize I was outside.  Outside I pee on everything because I want all the other cats to smell my pee.

Now I'm concerned though because I think it's time for my visit to the "vet" as they keep saying.  It looks like a doctor to me but they always say "vet".  Hmm These guys seem nice but they are always sticking me with a needle or some kind of strange instrument.  It's very exhausting.

Chopping it off

The other day I got to go outside again.  There is this long string that follows me around now when I am outsde and I have to wear this thing that wraps around me.  I heard someone say it was a harness.  I had a horrible experience with the harness.  The other day, after putting it on the guy carried me into the bathroom and gave me some catnip.  That part was good.  Then after that he lifted me with this thing on and put me in a big vat of water and my feet were all wet!  I kept trying to climb out but the wall was slippery.  Then he dumped water all over me and rubbed me with this gooey stuff.  That stuff smells nice, and I was really clean afterwards, but  all that water was a nightmare!  It was a nightmare!  I had to lick myself for hours after that.

Anymeow, I'm talking about this dr visit.  I overheard them say the Dr was going to "chop it off" and I'm pretty sure they already did some kid of surgery down below.  I woke up from this deep sleep one time and there was definitely something missing, so now I am really worried.  What are they going to cut off next?

At least I have some new food they give me.  I'm really worried about this chopping.  What is happening, I'm a cat, I need these parts.  Oh wait a minute.... I think I smell some catnip.

I found a box

I love boxes.