The turds

Lately  I find poop wherever I go, like on top of the air conditioner where I like to sit.  (It's as if it has followed me up there.)  I even found some on top of the car I like to sit on.  The car is in the garage so I can sit there as long as I want and I don't get wet when the water falls from the sky.

I've seen it in beds where I sleep and even near my food.  This poo is getting far to aggressive.  I'm afraid if I spend to much time blogging there will be a poo on the keyboard.  Won't that be a surprise to the next guy who wants to use this laptop!

I'm wondering if other cats are seeing this trend, could it be that poo just likes cats (I can't blame it.) and is therefore following us all around?  Or could it be part of a bigger plan to spy on us with poo drones?  I've heard of this new thing called the CIA or something like that, and they are all drones, or they all have drones.  I'm not sure which.  I still need to work on my English language skills.  I have serarched the web and still I can't find a good Meowglish to English translator online.  Any help would be appreciated.

Bloody Head

When I started blogging, who knew, a cat would have a blog!  So, I ask myself: now what?  There are so may things I could do besides sit around and wait for people to feed me or a mouse to walk by.  (I also sleep alot.)  Well, if I get a chance and I become a pirate my name will be bloody head.  That will be Captain bloody head to you land lubbers.

It's a name that will instill fear into all other pirate-cats.  Probably not as much fear as falling overboard or getting some sea mist on them, but still fear.  I fear no cat but they still try to attack me and I end up with these wounds.  These red badges of courage if you will.   I would go with bloody beard since beards seem popular among pirates but I can't really have a beard.  I could shave the rest of my head and then maybe I would appear to have a beard... now I may be on to something here.  

Now if only those other cats will just keep out of my territory I won't have to get into so many fights.  It makes me mad that they eat into my nap time.

Weird hat syndrome

I was just laying around on the porch  in the early morning and then the dude came in.  He closed the door behind him and put me in a box with a handle on top!  It did have a soft towel and some catnip in it, but I didn't like it at all.  He carried me inside this box to another box with round legs on it and after some time we got out but we were in a different place.  We have done this before, I have been to this place before, but this time was different.

 
I was there a long time.  They gave me food and I got some naps, but there was a lot of talk about "the surgeon".  I just do not think I can put all this in words, have a look for yourself:

Can you believe it?  They did something to make me really sleepy, and then when I woke up I had this weird hat on!  Because I cannot reach my food with this on I thought they were trying to kill me,  but then the guy who put me in the box gave me an even weirder hat:

It took me some time but I managed to kill this one with my feet, and then they put the other hat back on!  Now it is finally off, but all that time they were giving me this liquid to drink that they said was for Pain.  Still all this time and they don't know my name is HITCH!   And that stuff was weird, I felt good when I took that drink but then I could see these odd floating mice and I fell asleep.  Now they are done giving me that sutff and I feel much better.  I feel like I weigh less by my back feet or something and I don't get knocked over when I jump.  I had this odd weight pulling me around form the back and its gone now.  I'm guessing that is what the weird hat did.  I'm just glad I can go out now and it is warm out there.  

The great Escape

They didn't think I could do it, but I got out.  I like to hang out in the cellar because with the dirt floor it is like one giant toilet to dig in.  I found a box that sometimes has drills and wrenches in it and I jumped up on it.  It doesn't dig so I didnt poop on it.  From on top of it though, I can jump up to the window in the cellar, the really old window with the loose window panes.

Eventually I knocked one out and I fit right through!  Now I just ask someone to let me down in the cellar whenever I want to go outside.  I just meow and bang on the window when I want to come back in and they let me in.  I don't think they even realize I was outside.  Outside I pee on everything because I want all the other cats to smell my pee.

Now I'm concerned though because I think it's time for my visit to the "vet" as they keep saying.  It looks like a doctor to me but they always say "vet".  Hmm These guys seem nice but they are always sticking me with a needle or some kind of strange instrument.  It's very exhausting.

I found a box

I love boxes.