Weird hat syndrome

I was just laying around on the porch  in the early morning and then the dude came in.  He closed the door behind him and put me in a box with a handle on top!  It did have a soft towel and some catnip in it, but I didn't like it at all.  He carried me inside this box to another box with round legs on it and after some time we got out but we were in a different place.  We have done this before, I have been to this place before, but this time was different.

 
I was there a long time.  They gave me food and I got some naps, but there was a lot of talk about "the surgeon".  I just do not think I can put all this in words, have a look for yourself:

Can you believe it?  They did something to make me really sleepy, and then when I woke up I had this weird hat on!  Because I cannot reach my food with this on I thought they were trying to kill me,  but then the guy who put me in the box gave me an even weirder hat:

It took me some time but I managed to kill this one with my feet, and then they put the other hat back on!  Now it is finally off, but all that time they were giving me this liquid to drink that they said was for Pain.  Still all this time and they don't know my name is HITCH!   And that stuff was weird, I felt good when I took that drink but then I could see these odd floating mice and I fell asleep.  Now they are done giving me that sutff and I feel much better.  I feel like I weigh less by my back feet or something and I don't get knocked over when I jump.  I had this odd weight pulling me around form the back and its gone now.  I'm guessing that is what the weird hat did.  I'm just glad I can go out now and it is warm out there.  

The great Escape

They didn't think I could do it, but I got out.  I like to hang out in the cellar because with the dirt floor it is like one giant toilet to dig in.  I found a box that sometimes has drills and wrenches in it and I jumped up on it.  It doesn't dig so I didnt poop on it.  From on top of it though, I can jump up to the window in the cellar, the really old window with the loose window panes.

Eventually I knocked one out and I fit right through!  Now I just ask someone to let me down in the cellar whenever I want to go outside.  I just meow and bang on the window when I want to come back in and they let me in.  I don't think they even realize I was outside.  Outside I pee on everything because I want all the other cats to smell my pee.

Now I'm concerned though because I think it's time for my visit to the "vet" as they keep saying.  It looks like a doctor to me but they always say "vet".  Hmm These guys seem nice but they are always sticking me with a needle or some kind of strange instrument.  It's very exhausting.

I found a box

I love boxes.

fuzzy white stuff

 There is always this cold air now on the porch and  it is not nice.   Once I saw a bottle smash out there from the ice!  The good thing is there is none of that fuzzy white stuff on the porch.  I walked in that the other day and it was deep and cold.  There is this one person here and she is really nice.  Like when I come in from the porch this guy likes to pick me up, and that is warm to get picked up after you come in form that frozen wind tunnel, but this other person lets me sleep on her lap.

 This other person though, I think she does not like the cold parts either.  The house is much warmer than the porch (I think it is some kind of magic) but she sits in this warm place and still she has blankets.  That is awesome because she lets me sit on the blankets.  The other people just let me sit on my chair or a big thing they sometimes put their feet on.

 This other person, she is nice to let me lay down on the blankets because they are warm.  Sometimes she even lets me go outside.  It is some other kind of magic she has that lets me go outside, but when I run too far I get stopped and when I hide in a bush she can pull me out.  It is nice to get outside, but that fuzzy white stuff really makes walking outside cold.  When my feet sink into it there is this hard clear stuff at the bottom that is really cold and slippery.  I did not see any mice either; I think they also do not like the white stuff that is all over the ground.  I have seen the smaller people they are like the kittens of people, and they squeeze the white stuff and then throw it.  I got hit once; it was not fun.

Escape from alcatraz

I know there is a way out.  I see the people go in and out.  I even see cats out there.  They let me out the front door all the time which is exciting but then I am on the porch!  Sometimes it is really, really cold out there on the porch, but I am sure outside will be warmer.  I will figure all this out and you will all see.  I'm still not sure what alcatraz is but I saw something called escape from alcatraz on Netflix.

I'm not sure what Neftlix is either.

I just want to go outside again, from there I can begin to get back to my original plan.  I will have to tell you more about that later.  I heard them say I could go outside again after I have my tail removed.  I don't know what they mean but I hope it happens soon.  I'm sure that is not too important, especially since I will find a way to escape from alcatraz before then.  I can see the outside from the porch so there must be a way to get there but every time I go towards the outside I bump into this thing (they call it a screen).  So I give up and I go back inside.

Next I stare at the other door and they let me down to the cellar.  I don't know if they realize the cellar has a dirt floor, so I am digging.  I  see a pipe there that makes a noise whenever people poop.  I think that must get to the outside.  It saw something like that also on Netflix.  It's called The Shawshank redemption.  so I dig in the cellar and then I give up so I go back inside and sleep.

Don't tell them I figured out how to watch Netflix, whatever that means.

My Favorite Toilet

Lately I am staring at the door to the porch and it won't open.  Even if I stare at it for a long time and then meow.  Once it did and when I went out it was really cold so I didn't stay long.  The thing is that the porch is my favorite toilet.

Where am I supposed to poop now!

There is this thing in one room that is like a picture but the picture changes.  Once it looked like some cats but when I ran over to it, I could see that it was a picture because the cats were all flat.  There is some guy on that thing and he helps cats.  He is called Jackson Galaxy.  Maybe he knows about all this crazy nonsense that I have to put up with.  He may be the only person that knows about cats I think.

I was sleeping one day and I had a dream about poop (this is really getting crazy).  When I woke up there was a poop next to me!  I just rolled over and went back to sleep, but when I woke up it was not there.  I think I am losing my mind, but I don't remember.  So I want to go to the porch and dig in the poop box but I don't know where the poop went.  I'm going crazy here.

Surprise!

Well, Merry Christmas!  The other night I jumped up to sleep in my new bed and it flipped over!

There's a guy here who is kind of helpful.  He had some loud thing he used to fix it so now it won't flip me over.  That is why I let him stay here in this house.  He does some helpful things sometimes, but on the other hand he does make me take my medicine.  Sometimes I can trick him and spit it out but then he just makes me take it again.

Here it is though, this is what I was talking about with sleeping:

I don't know why people don't sleep like this, it is the best way, especially if you can flip on your back like this.  You definitely have to have your head inverted to get a good sleep, otherwise it's just a cat nap.  There is nothing like some cat nip and a good cat nap but this is the way to sleep.  Its hard to get a good sleep around here because some of the beds are alive.  

If you lay on the beds and sleep long enough the bed starts moving.  When that happens I need to grab it and bite it so I can survive but once I did that and I got knocked right off the bed!  So far this has not happened with my new bed yet.  I think it is some kind of special bed for cats.  I'm going to go try putting my head upside down on it. 

Merry Christmas

There is this weird thing people do I think it happened once before.  They bring a tree inside the house.  (I'm not kidding.)  Then they put lights on the tree and they hang things all over it and one day there are all kids of boxes under the tree.  

This time I got some thing too and it's great for sleeping, check it out:

Which brings up a whole different thing for me.  What is it with people who have these little beds that they put their heads on when they sleep.  I don't need an extra bed for my head.  I just love to sleep and sleeping is great.  It's a great time to pee.  There is sleep and then there is really great sleep.  That is when you lay down and you invert your head.  People never do that either!  I don't know what is wrong with them.  If you want a tree, go outside and if you want to sleep just flip your head upside-down and go to sleep.  

I don't have all these crazy sleeping devices that people use.  They even found boxes under their inside tree that have blankets in them and the blankets connect to the wall.  It is really weird if you ask me, but if you see one of these you need to try it (they are really warm).  Just don't pee on a blanket that connects to the wall, trust me.  

I'm going back to sleep. 

TGI... meow?

Look, I am a cat, see.

I tried a bunch of times to get this picture.  My paws kept getting in the way, so I had to figure out the self timer on this camera.  I attacked the camera a few times because it kept shooting a light in my eye.  It is afraid of me now.  I kicked it under the desk and it won't come back out.

TGIF, right?  Oh who am I kidding, I just take naps all day every day, but good for you guys it's Friday.  I'm going to have some catnip and go sleep on a blanket.  Ugh, two people are still here, they are really making nap time difficult.  Whose house do they think this is anyway.  I need to get plenty of rest so I can make sure to be up at night.  Night is the  best time to kick noisy things around the house, just you people wait.